What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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