1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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