I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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