since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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