he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
