I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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