the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
