you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
