i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
