Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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