What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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