Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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