Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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