Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
