im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
