Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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