Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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