Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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