new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
