Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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