mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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