He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
