I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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