if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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