I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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