anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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