Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
