i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
