i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
