Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Houston, we have a squirter
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
