I accidentally burped into my bong.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
