Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
