Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
