didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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