he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
