My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
