Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
