it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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