I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the raccoons are back...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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