Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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