Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
