Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
