Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
