They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
