this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
