It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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