It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
