this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
worst night to have a conscience
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
