Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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