I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
