No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
